Ration your fear
It can bring out your bravery or eat you alive. It’s time to spot the difference
Disclaimer: This article is produced for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for the help of a licensed mental health professional or therapist.
If you, or anyone you know, is struggling, seek help immediately from the Samaritans or local emergency services.
I know it well.
And yet, if I didn’t stop to do anything but think, I wouldn’t even know it was there.
I’d carry on thinking my way into deeper and deeper conviction.
Something was wrong.
If only I could figure it out.
But even though my heart was thudding in my chest.
Even though I felt a little sick with the worry and the dread.
I took the advice that’s slowly changing my life.
And felt better.
The amazing thing is I’m convinced you can join me.
So let’s go.
The thinking disease
Underneath a jovial exterior I’ve always been thoughtful.
Not in the sense of generosity so much, though I’m trying to work on that.
What I mean is thinking deeply about ideas.
A curiosity about why things develop.
How to express that in a way to resonate and be seen.
The fear of being misunderstood has driven me to edit, and edit, and edit.
In my best moments, I like to think it’s taught me to be discerning.
But we don’t always live with our best moments.
Do we?
A ubiquitous writing pet peeve
It’s a bit of an in-joke in our house.
You’ve read it a thousand times:
‘She let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.’
I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve even written that line myself once, before hastily deleting it.
But as cliche as the sentiment is, it’s used everywhere for a reason.
It speaks to how we all respond to blood-chilling fear.
The swell of panic that takes every inch of focus you have.
And leaves you with nothing in return.
The panic we share
It seems strange to think about it now, but even as recently as my childhood, it wasn’t considered normal in the UK to talk about mental health.
Bringing up the subject alone would invite all sorts of questions.
Judgments.
Probably because, the most frightening thing was to suspect it might behave like any other illness.
Contagion.
But the age of social media has cracked that mirror wide open.
Now, it’s perfectly normal to admit there are times, more than we’d like, that are hard.
The question for me, the one that’s been on my mind lately.
Now that we know we’re all terrified at times, overstimulated to hell, retreating into comfort.
How do we harness fear without gorging on it?
To create the perfect balance.
One thing that changes the tempo
When fear takes hold, really irrational fear, everything moves fast and slow at once.
You freeze, fly, or fawn.
Perhaps a mixture of all three.
And while that’s happening, the mind is desperately trying to help.
It’s gone into overdrive to diagnose the problem.
If you could just think for a moment…
Only the answer doesn’t live there.
It’s in the way you hold your shoulders.
The way you’re holding your breath.
The way you’re trying, in short, not to be noticed.
And, in my experience, the moment I see that.
Notice it, without judgement.
Is the exact moment I can change things. Reclaim agency.
Not by telling my mind not to think.
That never works.
But telling myself it’s okay. Giving permission to think, in fact.
But do I have to be this uptight while doing so?
Can I just move the arms down?
Relax a bit?
What works for me might not for you
Listen, it’s not for me to dictate to you how to process your emotions.
We’re all on our own journey, and I don’t know what you’ve been through.
But I can share what’s worked for me.
Anything less would be to admit that giving up is fine, and maybe we can just make do with bad outcomes.
Because when you can’t think clearly, that’s what happens.
You do the things you regret, without learning from them.
Fall into patterns of self blame that can set you back a few paces.
And frankly, if the price of attempting something different is so low.
Why wouldn’t you humour me for a second, and try?
The abundance of fear is the enemy
There’s an awful lot we can’t control.
Especially in the more challenging chapters of our story.
A scary thought, if you let it alone.
But even though I don’t know you well.
And may never know you.
I can say with some measure of confidence that given the choice, a little fear of trying something new is preferable to letting your actions get dictated by harmful habit.
You’re going to feel afraid some of the time.
So why not join me in looking a little silly for a second?
Take a moment.
Look at me.
And let out that breath you’ve been holding.
Warmest regards
Your author
Stuart Found
P.S. When was the last time you felt terrified and did the damn thing anyway? How did you feel about it two days later?