Think again

One rule can detach you from embarrassment and rage

Disclaimer: This article is produced for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for the help of a licensed mental health professional or therapist.

If you, or anyone you know, is struggling, seek help immediately from the Samaritans or local emergency services.

I was too exhausted for games.

If she didn’t want me to sit there, then that wasn’t my problem.

We all had a train to catch.

Her bags could sit on the floor.

Such was my frame of mind on pouring into the first carriage not swarming with other commuters, desperate to get home.

So how was it that two and a half hours later, the two of us left the train laughing together?

It’s a skill I’ve only learned recently.

But it’s saved my life in more ways than one.

And today, I think I might be ready to tell you how.

Think of a terrible thought

It isn’t hard to do.

Most of the time, you’ll be going about your business and then, out of nowhere:

It’ll cross your mind.

Exactly what disturbs you will have a slightly different flavour, depending on your experiences.

An innocuous phrase to anyone else will be just right for your own personal torment.

And you think.

And you think.

Until you’re convinced you can’t escape it.

It’s a part of who you are.

Except we know that isn’t true.

And the reason why is actually quite simple.

The false choice of a healthy conscience

When a thought does panic you, you reckon you have two choices.

Believe it, or question it.

Neither offers relief:

Believe it:

And you’re an instant sociopath. Just add water.

Deny it:

And your state-of-the-art negative bias amplifies the idea.

Would you like to be miserable, or miserable?

Then I discovered there’s a third choice that rarely makes itself heard.

A challenge that doesn’t push it away, or let it overwhelm you.

A way to look the intrusive thought in the face.

And reclaim who you always were, all along.

Nobody cares about everything. Choose wisely

Shove it

There’s a word I’ve already used in this letter.

And it’s the key to all of this.

The reason, I think, it’s easier to rely on cues rather than evidence.

Panic.

When everything is reduced to a fight for survival, what usually dies first is cordiality.

Just a few moments before I took my seat on the train, another passenger had pushed their elbow in front of me so they could board a full two seconds earlier.

Now, that guy was a complete prick.

I’m not about to suggest otherwise.

But who was responsible for him?

Was it the person I chose to sit next to?

Or was I, for bringing that energy with me?

Assuming more bullshit had to happen might’ve kept my grief alive.

But was that who I was, now?

Someone to nurture a grudge?

For a total stranger no less.

The evidence, of which there is plenty, suggested otherwise.

And that’s how you can unlock this for yourself.

Special Dispatch - Brussels: Handle anger like a legend

The evidence locker is empty

At the time, it’s almost impossible to resist.

Conflating who you are with the bitter, petty, mean, or callous thought that popped into your mind.

But this can work to your advantage.

If you’re going to start believing something that extreme about your character.

Then you’d better have a bloody evidence locker to prove it.

Extraordinary claims require as much.

And if the facts don’t stack up?

If you’re not actually a terrible person?

That’s when it starts to fall apart, all on its own.

You’re not superhuman. Stop it

Judge me fast and slow

Because when you take your time.

Face the idea head on and slow down your thought process.

You may find that there were a couple of extra steps you skipped over.

Nuances that only reappear when you’re not battling with embarrassment or rage.

Take your time.

Your sanity depends on it.

You’re better than you think

I know how tempting it is to jump on the first thought that alarms you.

The one that’s tied to all the things you’re terrified are true.

But terror isn’t reality.

If anything, it relies on fiction for its power.

You have a far greater depth of kindness, patience, and goodwill than you give yourself credit for.

So maybe it’s time to start giving yourself some credit.

Others around you already do.

And you know what I believe?

It’s your turn.

Warmest regards

Your author

Stuart Found