Dare to name it

Fear has controlled you long enough

Disclaimer: This article is produced for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for the help of a licensed mental health professional or therapist.

If you, or anyone you know, is struggling, seek help immediately from the Samaritans or local emergency services.

It felt awful.

I knew that much.

All the same, it wasn’t how I expected it to feel.

‘Are you jealous?’

No.

‘Are you sure?’

Yes.

And the crazy thing was I knew I wasn’t lying to myself about that.

No, something else was going on entirely.

Sat in the bath, with no music, no screens, no distractions save the hum of the extractor fan, I was determined to figure out what it was.

When I did, the relief was palpable.

And I can’t wait for you to have the same experience.

You know what you want

We know it’s gone wrong

Look outside.

As mad and partisan as things have become, there’s one thing upon which we all agree.

Somewhere along the way, it all went a bit wrong, didn’t it?

You’re not going to believe this.

But it can get better.

In ways that can start right now.

Because you have everything you need to nudge events in the right direction.

And it’s as simple and terrifying as a mea culpa.

You’re forgiving the wrong people

Double the cowardice, halve the growth

At the time, an argument feels like it’s the most important thing on Earth.

You’re locked in a battle of wits and daren’t show your belly.

But you know, when the other person makes a fair point, don’t you?

The feeling that you have to pivot.

Change the subject. Misinterpret what they really said. Reframe it.

Get yourself on firmer ground.

To do any less would be unthinkable.

An admission you were wrong.

The betrayal of the moment

But the moment doesn’t matter. Does it?

One way or another, the immediate crisis will pass, like all others have.

And when it recedes, what you’re left with is a vague sense of guilt you can’t admit.

So you imbibe more of your pet theory.

Even as your capacity for growth shrivels on the vine.

I know, because I’ve been there too.

What did I feel?

‘I knew what it was,’ I told him, over a beer. ‘I was insecure.’

He didn’t reply right away.

But the energy of the conversation shifted.

And far from excoriating, mockery, digging deep into the wound as you might expect.

He gave me advice that made me feel lighter than I had in months.

Imagine if you could have more conversations like that.

What would that mean for you?

Give it to someone else

You’re not a bad person for making a mistake

It’s what you do in the fires of accountability that forge who you really are.

A resilient, thoughtful person that isn’t intimidated by a challenge.

Or an appeaser for the worst people, desperate to escape the glare of the mirror that’s caught you in the act.

These other people you’re with, right now?

The ones beyond your help and mine?

Have you ever noticed how desperate they are?

How desperately they want you to double down for them?

Especially as your losses mount, and they sacrifice nothing.

They’ll let your world burn because it means nothing to them.

So what can you choose instead?

The cost of being right

Turn off the default option

Letting the world burn is the default option.

But if you were held accountable in the future.

If the tide turns, as it most certainly will, is this the person you’d choose to be?

What’s motivating you to see less, think less, speak up less?

Name it and see.

I dare you.

Fear is a process

Fear is a process when we take action.

So start now.

I’m not waiting for my sake.

But for yours.

And the world we need to build.

Right. Bloody. Now.

Warmest regards

Your author

Stuart Found