Your enemy has a point
Willful blindness will always come back to bite you
Disclaimer: This article is produced for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for the help of a licensed mental health professional or therapist.
If you, or anyone you know, is struggling, seek help immediately from the Samaritans or local emergency services.
It was one of the most stressful meetings I’ve run in a long while.
We were behind.
I wanted to move on.
But the feedback kept coming.
Once they’d finished, I thanked them for their contribution.
And immediately put what they said into practice.
Because, guess what?
They were right.
What not to say when getting feedback
It’s hard getting criticism, especially when you care about your work.
If you’re not careful, you can get so caught up in the day to day that you become a servant to execution.
Before long, someone will notice a way you can improve.
What you don’t want to do is quash that feedback before it comes.
Or react so badly to what they say, that next time they don’t bother.
And whilst it’d be nice if everyone could be gifted with superior levels of diplomacy, phrasing things in the right way to mirror how you’d deal with the situation.
That’s not a terribly realistic expectation.
Know why?
If they thought exactly the same as you did, then they’d probably be you already.
And wouldn’t see the iceberg you’re steering towards either.
Long time readers will know exactly where I’m heading next, I’m sure.
The only reason I can speak to this experience, is because I’ve been there too.
And failed to see the gift for what it was.
Remove ego and calm the trigger finger
You see, I get it.
When you’re in a semi-public setting, especially heading up a team project, a flat critique can send your amygdala into a spiral.
‘Danger!’ Your lizard brain screams. ‘Stop it! Stop it now! Do you want to be seen as a fool?’
If you don’t actively challenge that thought, you’ll lose the ability to slow things down and see them for what they are.
A window into the unintended consequences of some of your actions.
An opportunity to course correct, or clarify your communication.
In short, the quickest route to personal growth.
Without bashing your head against a wall and finding out the hard way.
We’re the same you and I
Of course, not all criticism is given in good faith.
There are some genuinely nasty pieces of work out there.
But despite the concentration of awful people that elbow their way into the headlines, I’d argue it’s not the vast majority of us.
Most people don’t want you to be shit.
Being good at your job makes their job easier.
Being good at giving feedback helps them improve.
Being good on a project together raises your collective influence and pride.
Who wouldn’t want to work on that team?
Who wouldn’t want to take a pivotal role in building it?
So, how do you calm an hyperactive mind with a tendency to overreact?
The answer I’ve found is, thankfully, easier than you might think.
Thank you for your service
You evolved to detect threats, especially when placed on high alert.
Constant nudges and notifications will do that.
And whilst I can’t silence the pace of modern life, what I can do is recognise that my body and mind are doing exactly what they’re designed to do.
When I feel the panic rise, when the unhelpful thoughts push for urgency, I take a breath and say the following to myself:
Thank you for your service.
For me, it creates just enough distance that I can acknowledge my feelings, and choose differently.
The gap of doubt that opens is usually enough to hear what the person is actually trying to say.
From there it’s a question of taking it away, considering it dispassionately.
And deciding how to proceed.
Discomfort is a virtue. Use it.
Disclaimer: This article is produced for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for the help of a licensed mental health professional or therapist.
You’re not alone
Good faith criticism is given more often than you might think.
Provided you don’t discourage it.
And listen, you don’t have to agree with everything you hear.
But the choice is, and always has been, yours.
Nobody builds a house, a business, or a career on their own.
And I believe the most successful of us hold our friends close, and our enemy’s perspective closer.
How else would we know where to look?
Warmest regards
Your author
Stuart Found
P.S. I wanted to ask you: how do you find perspective when getting difficult feedback? Are there other people you admire for how they respond to criticism?