You were never built for scale

Rise like a phoenix from burnout with a safety net you create

Disclaimer: This article is produced for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for the help of a licensed mental health professional or therapist.

If you, or anyone you know, is struggling, seek help immediately from the Samaritans or local emergency services.

This post references emotional recovery from abuse.

“Was your childhood unstable?” She asked. “Or have you ever suffered abuse?”

I sighed.

Explained as much as I could manage.

Afterward, I knew I was grateful I’d have the same therapist next week.

That there was comfort, even, when confronting the very worst of my experiences.

And that’s what I want to share with you, today.

A toolkit that’s brought me relief.

A response to the energy drain leaving you exhausted by rest.

Because the truth is, we were never built for the world we’ve fallen into.

But we can create the one we want.

Let me show you:

The gift of context

There’s a scrambling effect that abuse has on the mind, at least in my experience.

On the one hand, it causes all sorts of reactions to normal events.

You’ll feel, if you’re anything like me, that you’re constantly stumbling over invisible tripwires.

Especially when you’re at your lowest ebb.

But there’s an arguably worse consequence.

If nobody knows, then nobody knows how it feels.

And when nobody knows that, it’s harder to believe you can change.

The only way I’ve managed to escape this is to tell certain people.

I choose carefully.

Not least because a bad reaction can make things harder.

But ever since I started to trust in a small circle, I’ve needed to explain myself less.

Not to avoid responsibility for my actions.

But to be more easily understood.

Because now, they happen in context.

And that, in turn, helps me choose differently.

It gives me a reason to get back up.

Because if the people I respect don’t blame me for what I survived.

If they see me as a person worthy of love and respect.

Then why am I clinging to a fallacy that claims the opposite?

Which brings us to burnout.

You can’t handle the scale, and neither can I

We’re constantly stimulated.

Always on. Addiction to dopamine. Shortform everything.

It’s punishing to rest.

At least, in the long run.

That’s why one day, you find you’re emotionally drained.

And feeling guilty about the little you have to show for it.

Not only does this hurt everyone.

It scrubs out nuance.

Unless you caught the post before, you’re at risk of getting the wrong idea from a snackable short.

Almost every interaction resets to zero.

Who wouldn’t find that exhausting?

How to rise like a phoenix

Burnout is not the end.

But it is the end of a phase.

And with that, comes an opportunity.

A chance to change the pattern.

Rewrite the narrative that helped us cope, maybe even for a little while.

And it starts small.

Why?

Because humans can only process about 150 social connections.

Any more than that, and you don’t really know anyone.

Here’s the good news:

That number’s a lot less scary than the 1 million followers you think you need to matter.

Isn’t it?

I’d like you to meet your small circle

You don’t need to be everywhere.

You don’t have to speak to everyone.

You don’t need an opinion on everything.

An opinion never built a shed.

What you need is focus.

To really think about what matters to you.

And find a way that your expertise can help other people.

Because right now, someone a few doors over is stuck.

Community groups are desperate for volunteers.

And if it interests you enough to reach out, there’s probably a chance that somewhere not too far away, is someone else thinking of joining the same group.

Someone you can relate to and, with any luck, learn from.

Keep it local.

Not just because you’ll notice the difference when it’s close to where you live.

But because it’s much easier to go for a pint with someone that lives around the corner.

And if you’re building something online.

And you absolutely have to use the platforms designed to make us ill.

Then I have something extra special just for you.

You’re forgiving the wrong people

The Small Circle Strategy: my five rules

I’m working on the full toolkit to help you tackle creator loneliness.

Before that launches, I wanted to share each of the steps, right here, that have made the biggest difference on my journey.

The rules that build a network that cares, while you have the energy to do so:

1. Know your values before you post

2. Write for one person

3. Discover your minimum

4. Forget impressions; measure conversations

5. Strengthen the circle

The thing is:

Nobody appeals to everyone.

The reason you’re probably feeling lost, is you lost your purpose along the way.

Mimicking an account that already exists will, at best, make you a clone.

At worst, it’ll make you lonely.

And the irony is your character, your perspective, your unique mix of experiences, are the key to escape the trap.

It won’t necessarily make you the biggest bro that ever landed on the internet.

But someone that transformed a single person’s life for the better.

If that was a show, I’d tune in every week.

And honestly?

You probably already do.

Transformation but make it un-sexy

Let me be clear about one thing:

You may still burn out.

Much as I would like to, I can’t fix the structural problems that keep us working more and earning less than we should.

Certainly not on my own.

But I can use my knowledge to nudge you towards the next best friend you haven’t met yet.

Someone you can trust, when you’re ready.

To share a something you’ve fought alone, until now.

So that, as you do the hard work.

As you take those brave and terrifying steps to become the best version of yourself.

You have a partner in context.

Because it’s true, we were never built for scale.

But together, we can scale the walls we’ve built around ourselves.

And build the fucking shed.

Warmest regards

Your author

Stuart Found

P.S. Where do you go to chat to friends? I live in the UK, so a pub is a great spot to get some quality time in. But I’d love to hear about your favourite places to check in with the friends you admire.