Take your own advice

Why you and I need friendship to rekindle dying embers

Disclaimer: This article is produced for entertainment and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for the help of a licensed mental health professional or therapist.

If you, or anyone you know, is struggling, seek help immediately from the Samaritans or local emergency services.

Not tonight.

A torrent of rain filled my shoes so fast it turned me back from going to the shop.

I don’t need this tonight.

And yet, even though I’m cold and wet and grumbling.

I wouldn’t be anywhere else.

Because of the kindness of a friend, given in a moment of crisis.

The weeks from hell

My wife and I have been trying to close on a house for months.

Eight months, to be precise.

For our non-UK readers, that’s pretty standard.

It doesn’t make it less challenging.

Coupled with the tsunami of end of year stress.

A baby on the way.

Almost losing the house…

And it’s probably no surprise that I’ve been finding myself less enthusiastic about posting Notes lately.

Is anyone there?

Then there was one day it was just too much.

I was done.

Back to back meetings, a panicky call from the estate agent.

The seller’s solicitor had lost some paperwork.

My partner couldn’t take any calls.

And I noticed my breathing was shallow.

I looked through my phone, trying to find someone, anyone to speak to.

But each name I scrolled by, surfaced a reason to not reach out.

Except for one.

Yes. Tell them

Cheering you up is cheering you on

He wasn’t able to take a call either.

But he did something that worked out much better, anyway.

Arranged a time to catch up at the weekend.

And sent me a text that knocked me flat.

It contained a single hashtag:

#NeverAlone

It raised a smile.

And I came back.

Somehow you forget

And the message of these letters came back.

Not in a rush, but steadily enough to chip away at the stress.

I went for a walk, challenged my thinking, remembered my limitations.

Confronted by a growing library of my own advice, I felt better.

Because I saw the tools as something new.

Not just a gift to those I want to help out there.

But a down payment on my future self.

And it was all because of a nudge from someone else.

Quit, if you must

You’re smarter than you recall

It’s normal to give great advice to others.

A bit of distance can offer the perfect vantage point to see things clearly.

But because we tend to see the world through the lens of our own experience.

Sometimes we forget that turning the finger is the key to personal growth.

Now, I know what you’re thinking:

And it’s true.

Accountability can be terrifying.

Much easier to scapegoat.

But here’s the thing:

You don’t get anywhere projecting your best lessons onto somebody else, and then driving them off a cliff.

So the question has to be:

Are you ready to get somewhere?

And if so:

Who will you be taking with you?

Be great for one another

There are still days where I find this harder than others.

I’m sure you feel that way too.

But that’s why small acts of generosity, when you can give it, are so transformative.

You never know when they’ll come back and complete the rhyme.

So, if you have a bit of kindness to spare.

If you’re faced with a choice to make someone’s day.

Please take it.

They need it more than you think.

And you need it more than you know.

Warmest regards

Your author

Stuart Found